When you become a parent you never think that your child might leave this world before you, that's just not the natural order of things.

You lay awake at night worrying about who will take care of her after you are gone.

Some parents have only a short time with thier children, a day, a month, a few moments. I was lucky to have had my Audra for almost 12 years.

I knew that she liked to sleep on her side with two pillows under her head, eat zuccini fritters and Aunt Marylou's Lima Bean Cassarole.

I knew her best friends were Becky, Tara, Tracy, Heather, Jake, Shannon and Grandma. That she liked to play dress up and pretend that the hallway door when shut was an elevator that we would ride up and down.

I knew she hated school, smokers and being stared at.

I knew what she wanted to say most of the time and sometimes tried hard not to say it, but she would make me.

I knew how to make her giggle and what time her favorite shows were on T.V.

I knew that she would go before me, but I never thought that it would be so soon.

As each year passes I think of the milestones she might have been reaching, as her friends and brother and sister grow and reach theirs.

I know she lives on in each of them, as she does in me and I wonder.

How much time does it take to really know someone?

Maybe it is just as much time as you are given.

Audra would be 27 years old this month, 15 years have gone by since she died, and still I reply "I hardly had time to know her"

R.I.P.